Lesson 11: Use Appropriate Language
Introduction
Ethics is the study of right and wrong (and legal/illegal) conduct. Most professional societies have codes of ethics that members are enjoined to obey. A professional code of ethics describes the moral duties and obligations proper to a given profession. For example, the Society of Professional Journalists has a code of ethics with headings “Seek Truth and Report It, Minimize Harm, Act Independently, and Be Accountable and Transparent.” We expect real journalists to adhere to a code like this. When they don’t do so, we rightly feel disappointed, even outraged.
Another example of a code for ethical communication: the late great Society for Technical Communication published “Ethical Guidelines for Technical Communicators,” using the headings Legality, Honesty, Confidentiality, Quality, Fairness, and Professionalism. The technical communication professionals and teachers I’ve known in my lifetime have adhered to these ethical principles, and I have taught such principles to my students as well, just as I’m teaching here.
Fundamental Rules
I’m not going to launch into a long definition of ethical communication. I think it boils down to three fundamental rules:
- Be helpful.
- Don’t offend people.
- Tell the truth.
In the world of work, being helpful means providing the information people need to do their jobs, to be productive, to make good decisions, and to be safe. Not offending people equates to using language that affirms people’s worth and dignity. Telling the truth needs little translation. Of course, one shouldn’t tell selective truths designed to mislead others or to wound their feelings—and, as I’ll expand upon later, we should tell the truth
clearly.
This unit of instruction deals with those three fundamental concepts as guidelines in professional writing style.
Be Helpful
Being helpful to your reader involves a good deal that’s beyond the scope of these exercises on style in scientific and technical communication. For example, the most helpful documents are those written in light of a careful analysis of the document’s purpose and audience, as well as a clear understanding of what prompted the document to be written and how it will be used. Really helpful documents are therefore very audience-centered, anticipating the sequence of questions readers are most likely to have, understanding what sorts of decisions and tasks readers face, and so on.
But even at the level of single sentences and minimal context, we can say something about being helpful professional communicators. In fact, if you’ve been paying good attention to these style lessons, you’ve been hearing it already. That’s why I’m not going to take you through a bunch of exercises on this topic. Every unit you’ve been studying has been making you a more helpful communicator. You are more helpful to your reader when you write in active voice, denominalize, prune words, reduce jargon, choose the right words, etc. This also goes for keeping your reader safe. For example—leaving aside for the moment the question of what kind of graphic should accompany the following warning—which version of the warning do you think has a better chance of keeping your reader’s hand unburned:
Note: When the mechanism is in full operational mode, incremental temperature gains up to and beyond 150 degrees Celsius may be reached on the exterior surface of the mechanism.
or
BURN DANGER! Don’t touch machine during operation; it gets searing hot.
Yes, I also used better warning tag-words (“BURN DANGER” in all caps instead of the milder “Note”), but notice I also reduced jargon, cut deadwood, used active voice, and directly addressed the reader (machine operator). These are things you’ve already been practicing in the earlier lessons and practice exercises.
Sometimes, of course, the nature of a document or even a brief label requires more precise language—in which case, use it! As I said, being helpful has a lot to do with adjusting your language for a given purpose and audience. But be warned: there’s a lot of very unhelpful documentation out there, and much of it errs on the side of wordiness, excessive jargon, and tangled sentence structures.
Don’t Offend People
Good professional writing is free—at least, it honestly and intelligently tries to be free—of expressions that might offend its readers. If your writing implies that a particular group of people, or someone who belongs to that group, is superior to another, you will offend many readers. You may also offend them by using words associated with the culture of a group, or if the word you use to designate a group is not the one preferred by that group.
If you’re ever uncertain about a term that a group prefers, you can, and should, consult a style guide like the Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual. Use a recent edition. Rule of thumb: To be respectful in addressing and referring to people, use the designations they, or their guardians, want us to use.
For that very reason, you should take care when using a “new” term to refer to a class of people. Does a particular person or group of people who are nearly without eyesight wish to be called “visually impaired,” “seeing challenged,” or “legally blind”? The safest bet is to ask them, but if that’s not possible, a bit of research in style guides, or on the Internet, should answer.
Gender-Fair Language
Even though you don’t intend any gender bias in your writing, you must be careful not to use language that makes one gender seem superior (more important, active, desirable, powerful, prevalent, intelligent, etc.). For example, this often means avoiding language biased in favor of men. Here are some guidelines for avoiding this problem:
1. Use gender-neutral nouns:
- humankind not mankind
- humanity not mankind
- human race not mankind
- human beings not men
- all people not all men
- mortals not mortal men
- labor hours not man hours
- sizable not man-sized staff
- employees not man power
This rule applies especially to language that names professional roles:
- police officer not policeman
- fire fighter not fireman
- mail carrier not mailman
- chair not chairman
- workers not workmen
- home maker not house wife
- doctor, physician not lady doctor, female physician
- lawyer, attorney not lady lawyer, woman attorney
- engineer not female engineer
- executive not female executive, executrix
- nurse not male nurse
- secretary not male secretary
- sailor not seaman
- aviator not airman
Some words and phrases may not seem immediately to lend themselves well to gender-neutral changes; many will say:
- manhole cover instead of personhole cover
- Neanderthal Man instead of Neanderthal Person
- yeoman instead of yeoperson
- statesmanship instead of stateswomanship, statespersonship
- unmanned space craft instead of unpersoned space craft
Still, as above, there are ways to resolve this dilemma. For example, a manhole cover may be called a sewer lid, Neanderthals are often referred to in the plural, and statecraft is a powerful alternative to statesmanship. It’s always a good idea to research terms before using them.
2. Reduce the number of gender-specific pronouns:
Use plurals where possible:
The administrator requires nurses to sterilize their hands before entering the intensive care area.
not
The administrator requires every nurse to sterilize her hands before entering the intensive care unit.
Use second person, imperative verbs (“commands”) where appropriate:
Forklift operator: leave your machine in a fork-down, locked position.
not
The forklift operator must leave his machine in a fork-down, locked position.
Violate the old “agreement” rule (pronouns must agree in number with their antecedents) in favor of the more important gender-fair principle:
Everyone left their laptop computer in care of the proctor.
not
Everyone left his laptop computer in care of the proctor.
Note: “Everyone” implies plurality but is singular in form and so, traditionally, calls for a singular pronoun to follow: “his” or “her.” In this sort of construction, some writers actually stick in both pronouns–“his or her”–in order to obey the old agreement rule while maintaining gender fairness. Unfortunately, “his or her” sounds labored to most of us (and very labored if used frequently).
Use articles (sometimes) instead of possessive pronouns:
After filling out an application, the prospective employee should proceed to the secretarial lounge.
not
After filling out her application, the prospective employee should proceed to the secretarial lounge.
3. Give equal honorary and title treatment.
Dr. Larsen and Dr. Jones are the new members of our anesthetics staff.
or
Dr. James Larsen and Dr. Sally Jones are the new members of our anesthetics staff.
not
Dr. James Larsen and Dr. Jones are the new members of our anesthetics staff.
4. When it’s important to specify gender, do it deliberately:
Give each male test subject his injection at precisely 12:00 noon each day.
not
Give each test subject his injection at precisely 12:00 noon each day.
So. These guidelines should help you produce appropriate, gender-neutral writing. There are other guidelines—such as the one that advises you to alternate masculine and feminine pronouns, using feminine where masculine has traditionally been used. But be careful with guidelines like this. They can make your writing look forced and unnatural. You want your writing to feel natural as well as affirming of the worth and dignity of all genders. If you’re in doubt, just have a friend of a different gender read through your writing. Here are some exercises to help you refine your gender-sensitive (and all-around sensitive) sentences.
Tell the Truth
This tutorial is not the place to lecture you about the importance of truth telling. In the words of the Nike ad: “Just Do It.” If you yourself are honest as the day is long but your employer tends to waffle, tell your employer (in the words of Ben Franklin): “Honesty is the best policy.” Because it really is. If your employer doesn’t agree, find a new employer.
In my experience, the problem in professional communication isn’t so much that lies are told as that truth is sometimes disguised. For example, while working as a visiting editor for a government entity, I once edited this phrase:
“considerable non-containment of radionuclide-containing materials”
to create the more straightforward phrase:
“serious radiation leaks”
This consternated some administrators. (This was in a report about the status of thousands of oxidizing metal barrels of radioactive waste out on an unprotected blacktop.) Both phrases referenced the same thing, but one revealed it much more clearly than the other. Which phrase strikes you as more ethical, given the goals of good professional communication?
Again: by virtue of working through these style lessons and exercises, you have already been practicing a style that “tells the truth” more clearly than usual. When you use active voice, you more clearly reveal agents, consequences, and responsibility; when you denominalize, you create clear, active verbs that help the reader see what’s going on; when you reduce unnecessary jargon and prune words, you get right to the point and help the reader understand what’s what, just as quickly and clearly as possible.
But, you protest, “Don’t I have a right to shape my words so as to advance my own best interests—to put my best foot forward? Doesn’t my lab or department or business or company have that right as well?” Sure y’all do. You’re always free to do what linguist S.I. Hiakawa calls “semantic engineering.” A big part of the art of rhetoric is devoted to putting one’s best foot forward. And you should put your best legitimate foot forward. You do it every time you revise your resumé, don’t you? But you know very well that there’s a line somewhere between your best foot and a false step.
Writers take that false step in many ways. This upcoming part of the lesson will focus on just one of the most common: use of inflated language that tries to hide or soften “objectionable facts,” things the writer assumes the reader would react to negatively.
Here’s an example. Let’s say that you and a bunch of your friends take my editing class here at UT and that I make my course too hard and fail the lot of you. In fact, let’s say that many of my English department colleagues have started doing the same thing, and that the local press gets wind of it and we have to make a statement to them about it. We write a letter that never admits we failed a great number of students but instead explains that we have “expedited the progress of many students towards alternate life pursuits.” Great, huh? How are you feeling about our truthfulness just now?
The letter I’ve just described is hypothetical; English teachers would never really do such a thing. It uses what William Lutz calls “doublespeak.” He takes the word from George Orwell’s 1984 and defines it as “the language of insincerity, where there is a gap between the speaker’s real and declared aims. It is language as an instrument for concealing and preventing thought, not for expressing or extending thought. Such language silences dialogue and blocks communication” –Lutz, Quarterly Review of Doublespeak 17:4, July 1991.
Doublespeak doesn’t tell the truth. Don’t use it. When you see it in your company’s or client’s or colleagues’ writing, edit it out. Your ethos—that is, the perception your audience receives of your good sense, good will, and good character—will benefit.
All right! Truth written, Doublespeak defeated! Help given, offense avoided! On to the final style lesson: Find the Right Tone
Practice, Lesson 11: Use Appropriate Language
Enter your revision in the box below each exercise. Click the “>” below each box to see Dr. Hirst’s revision.
Exercise 1: Gender Neutral Language
Revise each sentence to achieve gender fairness and to avoid offending folks of all kinds.
1. We sent our patient to see Dr. Smith and Dr. Jenny Brown.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
We sent our patient to see Dr. Smith and Dr. Brown.
2. Our workmen have logged scores of man hours on this project.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Our workers have logged scores of labor hours on the project.
or
Our workers have labored for hours on this project.
3. A team of firemen and state militiamen controlled the blaze and the crowd.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
A team of firefighters and state militia controlled the blaze and the crowd.
4. An engineer knows his designs will be put to the test in this earthquake zone.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Engineers know their designs will be put to the test in this earthquake zone.
5. Everyone at the conference wanted his name on his company’s promotional items.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Everyone at the conference wanted their name on their company’s promotional items.
or
All the conference-goers wanted their names on their company’s promotional items.
6. Each client must sign his or her waiver in the presence of his or her legal representative.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Clients must sign their waivers in the presence of their legal representatives.
7. ACME has developed a new product for hair-disadvantaged men.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
ACME has developed a new product for bald men.
or, if the product is really for any bald person:
ACME has developed a new product for bald people [or: for baldness].
8. Our five-year mission is to boldly go where no man has gone before.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Our five-year mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before.
Even better, whether you’re British or not:
Our five-year mission is boldly to go where no one has gone before.
9. Ever since our client cut his manpower, he can’t handle the surge in demand for his company’s product. [Let’s assume that the client referred to is male.]
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Ever since our client reduced his staff, he can’t handle the surge in demand for his company’s product.
10. The policeman stated that the suspect escaped by diving into an open manhole in the street.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
The police officer stated that the suspect escaped by diving into an open utility cover in the street.
11. This Internet product will benefit all mankind.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
This Internet product will benefit all people [humanity, humankind].
12. Our new line of clothing accommodates the differently sized.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Our new line of clothing accommodates all sizes.
13. No one wants to admit that he or she is afraid of a man-sized job like this.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
No one wants to admit that they are afraid of a sizable [difficult, huge, massive, big] job like this.
[Again, this breaks the traditional agreement rule—in favor of gender fairness.]
14. A lawyer wants his client to be calm, a doctor wants his patient to be obedient, a CEO wants his stockholders to be worshipful.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
A lawyer wants calm clients, a doctor wants obedient patients, a CEO wants worshipful stockholders.
or
A lawyer wants her client to be calm, a doctor wants her patient to be obedient, a CEO wants her stockholders to be worshipful.
or
Lawyers want their clients calm, doctors want their patients obedient, CEOs want their stockholders worshipful.
or
A lawyer wants calm clients, a doctor obedient patients, a CEO worshipful stockholders.
There are many effective stylistic moves that avoid offensive language!
Exercise 2: Reduce Doublespeak
Get rid of doublespeak in the following sentences:
1. Our company is undergoing extensive proactive rightsizing.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Our company is firing lots of employees.
2. Acme Electronics is currently operating in a negative demand area.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Business is not good for ACME Electronics just now.
3. The man taught English for the learning-impaired to citizens who had spent time in correctional facilities.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
The man taught basic English to ex-convicts.
4. The candidate became factually flexible in the heat of the campaign.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
The candidate lied during his campaign.
5. America’s inner cities are experiencing involuntary downward deployment of the workforce.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Jobs are getting scarce in America’s inner cities.
6. The captured fauna were entered into a wildlife conservation program that enjoys permanent facilities.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
The captured animals were put into a zoo.
7. The job requires multiple container packaging of marketing materials, then coordination of shipments to customers and vendors.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
The job requires you to pack our products and put them in the mail.
8. Civilian irregular defense soldiers caused ambient noncombatant personnel to vacate the area.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Mercenaries forced refugees to flee.
9. Your computer cost more because we equipped it with a high-velocity, multi-purpose atmospheric circulator.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
Your computer cost more because we put a fan in it.
10. Attempts are being made to control fugitive emissions of carbonic chemical reactions and prevent unintentional product bypassing of the on-site biological treatment plant.
> Open to see Dr. Hirst’s sample response.
We are trying to stop the hydrocarbon leaks and make sure all the slurry goes through our biological treatment process.
All right! Truth written, Doublespeak defeated! Help given, offense avoided! On to the final style lesson: Find the Right Tone.
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