Professional Writing Style: 12 Tutorials–Lesson 12 | Judith Anderson Herbert Writing Center

Created by Dr. Russel Hirst, Professor Emeritus, The University of Tennessee, Knoxville, rkh@utk.edu

Lesson 12: Find the Right Tone

Introduction to Tone

Tone is a stylistic metaphor referring to the way a communication “sounds.” We say the tone of a letter, for example, is upbeat, resigned, cheerful, threatening, forgiving, patronizing, inviting, authoritative, gentle, demanding, courageous, panicky, confident, uncertain, plaintive, reassuring, and so on.

Tone is an important stylistic term, so let’s be sure we understand it. It’s not exactly the same thing as “persona,” a literary term meaning “mask,” as in a theatrical mask or character role in a play. So, for example, a scientist wishing to portray herself (actually, legitimately) on the world’s “stage” in the role of a serious, careful, orthodox researcher will likely choose to write in a way that clearly reveals this persona to readers. She will refer to scientific methodologies she is using, laboratories she is collaborating with, scientific literature she has read and evaluated, discoveries she has made, and the scientific theories and worldview she embraces. She might use scientific jargon, employ lines of reasoning endorsed by other scientists in her field, and organize her prose the way others in her field do. All this would establish her persona, her stage mask that asserts “I am a careful, orthodox, smart, serious professional scientist.”

Or she could choose to put on an entirely different mask. For example, she could portray herself as a spiritual defender and devotee of Gaia, filled with the spirit of the Living Earth. But her tone when communicating could be anything. She could be the threatening earth mother, the alarmed earth mother, the despairing earth mother, or the cheerful and reassuring earth mother. That is, she could retain the mask but vary her tone in many different ways. As could the orthodox scientist.

Tone and Persona

Certainly, the terms tone and persona are related, and one could argue that the gentle earth mother and the angry earth mother are two entirely different masks. But most discussions of style regard the terms as distinct, in the way I’ve explained—and it’s a helpful distinction, so let us retain it.

The best way to understand tone, I think, is to regard it as the servant of persona. You establish a tone in your writing that lets your readers know how you (the scientist, earth mother, CEO, lawyer, prospective employee, consultant) regard them and regard whatever topics you’re discussing.

As you can imagine, this lesson could become unbearably long if I were to try to cover every possible tone. So let’s focus on just the broad categories of Formal and Informal tone, Positive tone, and on one technique that will improve your writing in multiple tonal categories: the You Attitude.

You Attitude

Much of the writing in science, technology, business, industry, and government is subject-centered rather than audience-centered. Unfortunately, professional writers tend to focus on objects, processes, events, amounts—or on themselves and their organizations. Those things dominate the “subject slots” of their sentences and seldom make “you” a direct object. But there’s a better way to write, one that establishes a much more helpful, direct, and considerate tone. It’s simple, really: just remember that you’re writing to people, not about stuff, or about yourself or your organization. Okay, fine—if people actually want to know about you or your organization, you may write about that—but you must always remember you’re writing to people about yourself or your organization.

When we unpack that basic rule, we come up with these corollaries:

1. Use liberally the pronouns “you” and “your.”
(Unless you’re writing in an informal mode to Southerners here in the USA, “you” and “your” each serve as both singular and plural.)

2. Focus on the reader’s needs and benefits, or on how something affects the reader.
(Not on what you or your product or service or company offers, or how you are affected.)

3. Don’t write about your own emotions unless you’re very sure that would be appropriate and welcome. Yes, sometimes a reader wants to know how you feel about something. But in the realms of science, technology, business, government, and industry, this is less common than you might hope.

4. Don’t tell the reader how to feel or what to decide; feeling and decision are the reader’s privileges. This applies in spades for communicating with managers or evaluators of any kind.

5. Give a reader lots of reference points from their perspective. For example: refer to their previous communications, their company’s challenges and goals, their concerns.

6. Name yourself, your work group, your co-workers, your company, your organization to give “flesh” to constructions. So: “SafeCo protects you and your family,” “You will open your eyes in the recovery room to find Nurse Feelwell attending to you.”

Here’s an example of a “we-attitude” sentence transformed into a “you-attitude” sentence:

After years of research, our company has been successful in developing a corrosion-resistant metal finishing alternative for countertops.

Better: Your company can now take advantage of a new product from ACME that will make the finish on your countertops more resistant to corrosion.

Notice that I employed not only the you attitude but made the sentence more readable, breaking up a long adjective-noun string. Remember: use all your professional stylistic skills, all at once!

Positive Tone

A good professional writer uses a positive tone whenever possible. That’s just good business sense, isn’t it? It’s not hard to maintain a positive tone when you are congratulating folks or discussing an exciting opportunity or conveying good news of some kind. But how do you do it when the news is bad, or when you must reprimand someone or deliver a warning or make an urgent request?

Before I offer guidelines about this, let me make it clear that I’m not saying you should “beat around the bush” in any of these situations. Direct, clear language should always be your trademark. However, you don’t want your tone to be brutal, abrupt, disgusted, superior, or enraged.

Below are guidelines for communicating negative messages when you must.

1. Preface the bad news with the most positive and encouraging (legitimate) words you can:

Not this:
This letter is to inform you that you didn’t win a Blakely Scholarship; we had to work our way through many submissions, and the scholarships went to the most highly qualified applicants.

But this:
Thanks very much for your fine application to the Blakely Scholarship. Competition for the scholarships was very tough this year, and unfortunately, we had to turn down many excellent applications, yours among them.

2. Avoid negative, insulting words:

Not this:
Your accounting report is riddled with errors; maybe that’s because you are ignorant of the latest figures that have come in from Washington. We’ll have to meet and get you straightened out.

But this:
Some new figures have come in from Washington that will significantly impact the accounting report; let’s get together to discuss the changes and generate another report.

3. Explain the bad news and (if possible) tell the reader about some alternative:

Not this:
Even though Microsoft Word 24.1 won’t work with macOS Nebula version 835, which you recently bought from Apple Computer, we can’t refund your money. There’s nothing wrong with the program, which you have already downloaded. If anything actually does go wrong with macOS Nebula version 835, you can call our tech support at 1-800-215-8888.

But this:
We’re sorry that our macOS Nebula version 835 won’t run older versions of MS Word (such as Word 24.1, still a favorite of some users). Nebula, which makes your Mac such a powerful tool, isn’t backwards compatible with many applications. Even so, since you’ve already downloaded the software, we can’t refund your money. We will certainly stand by our product, however, and give you all the technical support we can (just dial 1-800-215-8888). If you decide to try a more recent version of MS Word, you’ll find that Nebula will run it smoothly.

4. Make your reprimands or demands as civil as possible (keep your cool). This may require a little more verbiage than usual. It’s worth it.

Not this:
Fred, working conditions in your wing are horrible! The floors are oily, handrails are loose, machinery is too crowded. And the stink is disgusting. I’m amazed we haven’t had more injuries over there. I’m amazed that I myself, and our clients, didn’t come out of your wing on stretchers or attached to oxygen tanks. What a pigsty! What kinds of slobs are you over there?? I’m giving you notice right now that I’m not bringing any more clients over to view your operations, nor am I myself going to set foot in your wing until you get your act together.

But this:
Fred, thanks for the tour of your wing that your assistant gave us last Friday. But I have to level with you: the clients I brought over didn’t come away with a good impression of working conditions over there. More than one of them slipped on the oily floor and had to grab for a handrail—and then the handrails were shaky! A couple of them complained about the odor, too. To be perfectly honest, I myself was watching my step on the oily floor, grabbing (without much confidence) for handrails, and holding a handkerchief over my nose during most of the tour. I know conditions in that wing are hard to control (especially the smell), but we’ve got to do better. I think it best to keep clients away until we’ve had a chance to address these problems.

In terms of positive tone, the big exceptions to the advice above are emergency situations. If life, limb, and perhaps significant physical assets are immediately threatened, positive tone is not paramount. The prevailing tone should then be one of urgency—manifest by brevity, clarity, speed, authority—and probably loud volume!

Formal & Informal Tone

As with every aspect of style, your choices depend very much upon your analysis of the rhetorical situation you face. Basically, you must craft your manner of communication based upon the nature of your audience (readership) and your goals in communicating with that audience.

Some communication goals are best advanced by a formal tone, some by an informal tone, some by a tone falling somewhere in between. We don’t have time to consider every point along the spectrum, so let’s just consider points somewhere out near either end of it: formal and informal tone.

Here are some guidelines for establishing a formal tone:

• Use jargon and “big words” (judiciously, of course)
• Let your sentences range from short and simple to long and complex
• Use formal titles (Doctor, Professor, Mr., Mrs., Counselor, Representative, Supervisor, etc.)
• Use respectful language
• Qualify your statements (as appropriate)
• Avoid contractions
• Avoid sentence fragments
• Avoid slang
• Avoid exclamation points
• Avoid humor

As you might expect, the guidelines for informal tone are pretty much the reverse:

• Avoid jargon and big words
• Don’t let your sentences range into the “long and complex” zone.
• Avoid formal titles; use first names—even nicknames, if appropriate
• Don’t worry much about qualifying your statements
• Use contractions
• Use sentence fragments (where appropriate)
• Use exclamation points
• Use slang
• Use exclamation points
• Use (tasteful) humor

Lesson 12 Practice: Find the Right Tone

Enter your revision in the box below each exercise. Click the “>” below each box to see Dr. Hirst’s revision.

Exercise 1: Use “You”

Revise the following sentences to voice an appropriate “you attitude.” Be creative. Invent a context for the sentence and add whatever details/specifics you like.

1. I have sent item #446 out of our Dallas location this afternoon; I’ve used priority mail, so the package should arrive in no more than two days.